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E271: Rory Miller on How to Win with Conflict Communication

E271: Rory Miller on How to Win with Conflict Communication

Rory Miller joins us to discuss his book Conflict Communication, manipulation, and how to handle hostile confrontations easily.

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The study of manipulation goes by many names: Human hacking, social engineering, pickup artistry, social dynamics, nonviolent communication, and a litany of others. The names alone invoke images of someone dark and sinister. The idea can seem like something straight out of a spy novel filled with KGB agents.

But can it be used for good as well as evil?

Is it made positive or negative merely the hands wielding the tool?

What if these tools could save your life or the life of someone you love?

Discover the ins, outs, and maybes with our guest Rory Miller. As the fortune cookie says, “Your life is about to change.”
Rory Miller, served for 17 years in corrections as an officer and sergeant, working maximum security, booking, and mental health. In 2010, he began collaborating with Marc MacYoung for a police verbal de-escalation program. That program became ConCom.

Not just for police, ConCom has been taught in 8 countries and to groups ranging from police academies to hospitals and factories. Rory Miller resides in the Pacific Northwest.

Conflict Communication (ConCom) presents a functional taxonomy to see, understand, and manipulate the roots of life’s conflicts. You will have the background, the principles, and a collection of tricks to manage and ideally avoid dangerous conflicts.

No going back. After reading this book, you can never go back. Even if you reject everything in the program, even if you refuse to admit how often your monkey brain has controlled your life, escalations toward conflict will never again be invisible to you.

Topics Covered with Rory Miller on Conflict Communication:

  • The story of how Rory wound up in law enforcement
  • Why this field of study is challenging to prove scientifically (hint: damn ethics)
  • What sex and conflict share in common
  • How conflict is typically NOT a personal assault
  • The metaphorical parts of the brain and why they matter
  • What are “hooks” in the context of communication
  • Developing conflict communication skills
  • The different conflict communication styles
  • Unconscious human signals someone is about to attack you
  • Simple exercises for understanding the predator’s mind and how to know what makes you look like a victim
  • Is passivity a virtue or a dangerous lie modern society is telling itself?


In his free time, he enjoys hogging the remote, surfing, scotch, mental masturbation and debate over philosophical topics, and shooting stuff--usually not all at the same time.

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